Mother’s Day Thoughts

 

I’ve been thinking about this whole motherhood thing a lot this past week given Mother’s Day of course.

Turns out there’s a lot more to it than I originally thought. 

We get critiqued for a lot in our lives. & I didn’t realize how much i actually cared what people thought until I became a mother. I’ve been criticized for baby wearing, sleep training(or lack there of), feeding my babies organic baby food, choosing not to go somewhere when they’re newborns(or choosing to go after all), clothing choices, the whole gambit. It used to bother me a lot more actually. Until I realized that most people will project their own insecurities & fears on you when they can’t contain it within themselves. I’ve also realized that most people actually mean well, most elderly women look at babies with adoring eyes & remember when, & I think we as younger mothers need to respect that outlook. Whether we like it or not, they have lived what we’re going though before. Even if we don’t necessarily  want to implement their advice, we don’t have to take offense to advice given simply because we believe they’re trying to point out our inadequacy as a mother. There are some people however, who are just flat out rude & critical, but you’ll be able to discern quickly the likes of these people(& do with their critiques as you will). I’ve also thought about how hard motherhood really is. You see a lot of funny things on social media about yoga pants & dirty hair in a messy bun, & it seems funny. Until you look in the mirror one day & see dark circles under your eyes & a memory pops up on Facebook of you at 16 when you were 30 pounds lighter & your hair wasn’t falling out from postpartum hormones. It’s not that you didn’t gladly give up most of your sense of self when your children were born, it’s not even that you had children a lot younger than most do these days, or that you don’t actually love being a mom. It’s just the reconciliation to the fact that things are a lot different now. Even if you don’t actually look that different. You FEEL a lot different. & that’s actually okay. 

I know of women who try to fight this, they talk on & on about not “losing” themselves to motherhood & whatnot, & that all sounds great in theory, but I think if you’re going to raise your babies selflessly, as God wants us to, you have to relinquish some of the self you hold so dear to. It’s not always pretty, & most days I look around & wonder if I’m actually doing anything right. It’s hard to know when this whole child rearing thing is still in process. I have no answers(isn’t that helpful?) all I know is I love my kids. I love their smiles & their little feet. I know every night when I tuck my oldest in he’s one day closer to being grown. & I don’t like it.

 The truth is, motherhood IS hard. & that’s actually okay. You’ll be a mother for life, & different seasons will come with that. The truth is, my babies won’t always be babies, & they won’t have to physically depend on me as much as they do now, & that’s also okay. The truth is, it’s a lot simpler for me to not fight this fact, & it’s even simpler when I know God doesn’t want me to fight it either. 

The truth is, motherhood is not going to be as clean & perfect & aesthetically pleasing as social media tries to make everything in life to be.

The truth is, God’s got this. Even when I & my emotionally raging hormones do not. 

The truth is, I’m exactly where I need to be. 

The truth is, I actually AM inadequate. I’m not actually “ just right the way I am”, the way self-love culture tries to force on us nowadays. If I were perfect, I wouldn’t need Jesus. If I am doing everything right, I wouldn’t need his forgiveness. & I wouldn’t have to teach my children they need his forgiveness too. I wouldn’t have to lean on the Lord, or ask for his strength. 

But the hard truth is, I most certainly DO. 

-Aud